Lucas Furious Over Star Wars Leak

SkidsMonday, November 26, 2007
This post is part of Push the Third Button Twice, a ~2 month adventure where I would write parody articles based on the news as it happened — in 15 minutes or less. The posts are credited to my a fictional "staff", but they're actually all me. I apologize in advance.

George Lucas went on the attack Monday, vowing to find and prosecute those responsible for leaking top-secret production stills from his upcoming “Star Wars” series, to be released worldwide in 2008.

“I have been more than patient with the fans, but enough is enough,” he said in a holographic conference with reporters. “How am I supposed to work as an artist when all of my best ideas are being traded around the internet before they even air? This is worse than when I let Steve talk me into casting Shia as Indy’s son.”

While Lucas refused to discuss which one of the photos, leaked to website worth1000.com, had made him so angry, sources inside Lucasfilm indicate it was the shot of famed British thespian Rowan Atkinson that caused the ruckus.

“It was his big reveal,” said the source known only as Kenny H, “He was going to introduce Leia’s homely aunt Princess Mogo as the female lead of the series, because she had such a rich and complex backstory that nobody had ever seen before, what with the Wookie cross-breeding and all.”

In fact, aides to Lucas say he hasn’t been so excited about a Star Wars character since he first imagined Jar Jar Binks in “Episode I”: “George is a real classy guy, but there’s something about short beady-eyed men in drag that really gets his juices flowing. Creative juices. Uh. Don’t print that.”

For his part, Atkinson was declining comment Monday. When asked about the rumours that he would indeed be playing a princess on TV in the near future, the actor stumbled about a hotel lobby with a paint can on his foot, got his tie caught in an elevator door and eventually had to be removed by police for wearing a live goose on his head.

Still, fans of the series remain cautiously optimistic about the casting choices Lucas has made. One poster on the starwars.com forums remarked: “I dunno, I guess I’ll wait and see how he/she looks in the slave costume before I make up my mind.”

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